Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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