no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
