You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
