It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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