he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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