This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
