so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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