Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
