Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
