last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Buhtt sex?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
