I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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