It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
