i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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