the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
