I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
