Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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