Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
