I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dear god my vagina.
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