i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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