you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
