I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
