guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
