Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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