Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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