I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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