i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize