what day is it and did you see me today?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
