why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
