I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know her cup size but not her name....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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