He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am midnight drunk by noon
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
