It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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