I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
