Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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