Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
