Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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