Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
God, I missed his penis.
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