Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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