she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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