ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
