So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
