I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just had sex on a roof
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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