lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
