Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
