she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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