I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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