Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize