im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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