just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
