a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
