I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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