Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
