new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize