dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
