i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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