well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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