Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
