So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
