yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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