its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
