I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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