Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
