Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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