you would pick up someone in the library
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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