I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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