I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Randomize
