Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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