She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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